IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In the past, people usually stayed I one place thought their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different place their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both?

#people #place #life #move #lifetime
Today,
people
 are migrating around the world in search
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their needs. Some believe that spending their time
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place is
Correct your spelling
beneficial
benefitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the while others think
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
migration as its certain advantages. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will outline what I consider to be potential advantages, as well as some of the negative outcomes that I feel are likely to occur. In terms of
Correct your spelling
benefits
Correct article usage
the benfits
show examples
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of
migration
Add a comma
,migration
show examples
 there are two explicit ones. The
first
 is finding new
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppourtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to explore. New
places
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to attract more
people
 for better jobs, environment and crime-free areas,
For example
,
People
 prefer to live in western countries because they witness a good living environment.
Furthermore
, getting to know a new culture is overwhelming.
By meeting
Change preposition
Meeting
show examples
 new
people
,
witnessing
Correct word choice
and witnessing
show examples
 their culture and behaviour can
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
show examples
 a good impression among
people
. For evidence, Canada which has
ample
Change the article
an ample
the ample
show examples
 number of immigrants will showcase distinct cultures, food,
places
Correct word choice
and places
show examples
 to live and explore, which is enough for
Correct your spelling
someone
somone
Correct your spelling
someone
 to enjoy these delights. There are,
however
, some possible drawbacks.
This
 can lead to population imbalance
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct your spelling
different
differen
Correct your spelling
different
places
.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 place, we might find richer
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the other, poorer.
As a result
 basic amenities like food water,
houses
Correct word choice
and houses
show examples
 may get affordable, but at
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 cost. A
further
 issue is the depletion of resources by the
people
. Having said about population imbalance, overpopulated
places
 will consume more resources like underground water,
demand
Correct word choice
and demand
show examples
 for electricity while others may likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
suffer. In conclusion,
although
 new
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppourtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 are fun to explore, not everyone can access
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Migration can lead to new relations among
people
 but it
also
 has some disadvantages discussed above. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 governments must keep a close eye on the number of
people
 moving around from
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 place to another and act
accordingly
.
Submitted by mvishalji on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: