IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#animals #verge #extinction #list
The
number
 of wild species in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction and endangered status is increasing over a period of time. There are several reasons linked to it
such
 as deforestation, illegal poaching and human intervention to name a few. In
this
 essay, I will give certain causes behind the increase in wild animals in the lists and will put forward my suggestion to protect them.
Firstly
, the mass deforestation in order to set up factories or construct residential complexes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased and it has caused human intervention in wild habitat. The wild species are either relocated to a new location or are being killed to
suffice
Verb problem
satisfy
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human needs.
For instance
, a city administration in India had planned to construct a metro shed in a forest area for parking the metro rail. At the location where parking was constructed, the government had to cut down thousands of trees and transfer the wild inhabitants to other habitats. It would have caused an ecosystem imbalance in
this
 process.
Secondly
, illegal hunting of hunting animals has caused the extinction of a
number
 of wild animals like the Javan Rhinoceros of the Java region in Indonesia which was hunted for its horn, it has few left in its habitat.
Therefore
, to conserve and protect the decreasing
number
 of species in the wild habitat there should be government intervention by creating awareness in the general public and introducing laws and policies. It can be achieved through the introduction of environmental conservation as a part of environmental science subject for primary students which would help in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
understanding conservation at an early age.
Also
, making laws on wildlife protection in the country and
restrictions
Correct your spelling
restricting
show examples
human activity in the wild areas would help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decrease poaching activities. In conclusion, the numerous factors of rising wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extinction and the endangered list can be reduced by understanding the causes linked to it and taking action
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
that
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in turn helps in the
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
 of entries on the different lists.
Submitted by sahil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to enhance the flow of ideas and arguments. Ensure a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion to effectively address the essay prompt.
task achievement
Address the essay prompt with more clarity and depth, providing a more comprehensive and relevant response to the topic. Utilize specific examples to support the main points and strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: