IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#animals #verge #extinction #list
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The
number
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 of wild species in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extinction and endangered status is increasing over a period of time. There are several reasons linked to it
such
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 as deforestation, illegal poaching and human intervention to name a few. In
this
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 essay, I will give certain causes behind the increase in wild animals in the lists and will put forward my suggestion to protect them.
Firstly
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, the mass deforestation in order to set up factories or construct residential complexes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 increased and it has caused human intervention in wild habitat. The wild species are either relocated to a new location or are being killed to
suffice
Verb problem
satisfy
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the
Correct article usage
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human needs.
For instance
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, a city administration in India had planned to construct a metro shed in a forest area for parking the metro rail. At the location where parking was constructed, the government had to cut down thousands of trees and transfer the wild inhabitants to other habitats. It would have caused an ecosystem imbalance in
this
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 process.
Secondly
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, illegal hunting of hunting animals has caused the extinction of a
number
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 of wild animals like the Javan Rhinoceros of the Java region in Indonesia which was hunted for its horn, it has few left in its habitat.
Therefore
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, to conserve and protect the decreasing
number
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 of species in the wild habitat there should be government intervention by creating awareness in the general public and introducing laws and policies. It can be achieved through the introduction of environmental conservation as a part of environmental science subject for primary students which would help in
the
Correct article usage
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understanding conservation at an early age.
Also
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, making laws on wildlife protection in the country and
restrictions
Correct your spelling
restricting
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human activity in the wild areas would help
the
Correct article usage
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decrease poaching activities. In conclusion, the numerous factors of rising wild
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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in
Change preposition
apply
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extinction and the endangered list can be reduced by understanding the causes linked to it and taking action
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
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that
which
Correct pronoun usage
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in turn helps in the
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
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number
Use synonyms
 of entries on the different lists.
Submitted by sahil on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay to enhance the flow of ideas and arguments. Ensure a clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion to effectively address the essay prompt.
task achievement
Address the essay prompt with more clarity and depth, providing a more comprehensive and relevant response to the topic. Utilize specific examples to support the main points and strengthen the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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