IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theaters #waste #money #services
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It is thought by some
people
Use synonyms
 that investment of the
government
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 in
arts
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 is lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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benefits and waste of money and time, so they should pay attention to
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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about
Change preposition
in
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 public
services
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 to provide good service to any
people
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. That I disagree with
this
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 view. On one hand, public
services
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 play a crucial role as all
of
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apply
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the citizens need
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience when they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public place.
Therefore
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, leaders who are the place owner should focus and provide facilities that they think it is the best
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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to
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for
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population
Correct article usage
the population
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. A good illustration of
this
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 is the
government
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 upgrades transportation
such
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 as new bus or providing road for bus only, free public internet wifi for any
people
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.
Moreover
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, if some public
services
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 have
cost
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costs
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 should be affordable cost and have equality for anybody.
In
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On
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 the other hand,
arts
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 have an important influence on living life since humanity will show their emotion
by
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through
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 music, comic or movie.
Thus
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, it should have
the
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apply
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places in order to display the performance of artists
such
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 as
theaters
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theatres
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, museums or concerts.
Moreover
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, certain
arts
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 perform the original tradition spread to
worldwide
Add an article
the worldwide
a worldwide
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 level, it will make the interesting from
people
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if traditional
arts
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 are shown in the worldwide space, it will attract any men who
interest
Add a missing verb
are interest
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 to come to see it
by
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with
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 their eyes.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
government
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 should not desert all
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
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arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
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. To conclude, the
government
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 is able to balance
between
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apply
show examples
public
services
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 and
arts
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, As both these will affect to satisfactory of anyone
Submitted by amittawin on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural enrichment
  • National identity
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Economic stimulus
  • Heritage preservation
  • Infrastructure
  • Social welfare
  • Quality of life
  • Educational outreach
  • Public versus private funding
  • Civic engagement
  • Mental well-being
  • Arts advocacy
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