IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Government investment in arts such as music and theaters is a waste of money. Government must invest that money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theaters #waste #money #services
It is thought by some
people
 that investment of the
government
 in
arts
 is lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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benefits and waste of money and time, so they should pay attention to
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
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 public
services
 to provide good service to any
people
. That I disagree with
this
 view. On one hand, public
services
 play a crucial role as all
of
Change preposition
apply
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the citizens need
the
Correct article usage
apply
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convenience when they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public place.
Therefore
, leaders who are the place owner should focus and provide facilities that they think it is the best
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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to
Change preposition
for
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population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
. A good illustration of
this
 is the
government
 upgrades transportation
such
 as new bus or providing road for bus only, free public internet wifi for any
people
.
Moreover
, if some public
services
 have
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be affordable cost and have equality for anybody.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand,
arts
 have an important influence on living life since humanity will show their emotion
by
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through
show examples
 music, comic or movie.
Thus
, it should have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places in order to display the performance of artists
such
 as
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
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, museums or concerts.
Moreover
, certain
arts
 perform the original tradition spread to
worldwide
Add an article
the worldwide
a worldwide
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 level, it will make the interesting from
people
.
Furthermore
, if traditional
arts
 are shown in the worldwide space, it will attract any men who
interest
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
 to come to see it
by
Change preposition
with
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 their eyes.
Hence
, the
government
 should not desert all
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. To conclude, the
government
 is able to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
public
services
 and
arts
, As both these will affect to satisfactory of anyone
Submitted by amittawin on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural enrichment
  • National identity
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Economic stimulus
  • Heritage preservation
  • Infrastructure
  • Social welfare
  • Quality of life
  • Educational outreach
  • Public versus private funding
  • Civic engagement
  • Mental well-being
  • Arts advocacy
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