Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #homes #areas #study #work #cities

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In the modern world, a large number of new generation people from countryside areas have more and more immigrated to the urban area to search for better opportunities in occupation and education. In

this

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essay, the cause of immigration will be presented, and the negative implications of the situation

Wrong verb form

will be

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reached. The first reason that contributes to youth leaving their remote hometown, and moving to the urban is the chance to have better well-being by having a well-paid career and studying in prestigious schools and universities. As it is apparent that the capital city of almost every country in the world has more job availability, high

salary

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salaries

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, and constant company, many young who seek a better life make a decision to leave their home and family behind to get a job in the capital.

Moreover

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, many well-known universities and schools are always located in economic cities

such

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as Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Khon Kan, and Songkhla, Thailand.

Although

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there are various greater opportunities to get jobs and

well

Correct word choice

apply

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study, these can result in adverse effects on individuals,

To begin

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, people who leave their homes and

family

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families

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can suffer from anxiety and depression

due to

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living alone for a long time.

According to

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my experience, being an exchange student at Bogor

university

Capitalize word

University

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, Indonesia for 4 months made me homesick because I missed my mom and my sister so much.

Secondly

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, despite getting a high salary, living in the capital can increase the monthly payment compared to living in remote areas.

For example

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, they need to pay extra for transportation, apartment rental

fee

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fees

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, and expensive meals, which they do not have to pay these payments if they work and study near their home. In conclusion, young individuals decide to move to the big municipality to find better jobs and standard universities to improve their livelihood.

However

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, there are cracks in the

circumstance

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circumstances

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including mental health problems, and higher costs of living.

Therefore

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, in my opinion, its drawbacks outnumber its benefits.

Submitted by pantamitsaekong on Thu Oct 06 2022

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coherence cohesion

The essay's logical structure needs improvement. The ideas are not well-organized and lack connectivity.

task achievement

The essay should be more focused on addressing all parts of the essay prompt. Ensure that the discussion covers both reasons and implications of rural youth migration to urban areas.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

327 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

rural-urban migration
quest
higher education institutions
job markets
allure
healthcare
technological and infrastructural advancements
personal and professional growth
brain drain
cultural shift
traditional values
dilution of cultural identity
overcrowding
pollution
high cost of living

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Some people say the professional workers such as, doctors, nurses and teachers, who make greater contribution to the society, should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree and disagree?.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.