IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that zoos have no useful purpose. Others believe that zoos are beneficial in many ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is generally believed that maintaining a
zoo
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 hardly implies any benefit.
Conversely
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, certain masses state that
zoos
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 have numerous advantages.
However
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, in my opinion, a
zoo
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 is essential to educate children about various wildlife creatures. The primary reason for considering
zoos
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 as a useful resource is the learning benefits that are imparted to kids. Children can explore a
zoo
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 and the various
animals
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 residing in it comfortably. They can watch them grow in natural conditions.
Furthermore
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, it is safer for them since the
animals
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 are behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bars and
thus
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 cannot harm the children.
Additionally
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,
zoos
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 protect an animal from hunting and poaching.
For instance
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,
animals
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such
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 as deer are safer in a
zoo
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 than in forests as they can become easy prey to forage by a carnivorous animal like a lion.
Hence
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, it is evident that people find
zoos
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meritous
Correct your spelling
merits
 since they guard wildlife creatures.
On the other hand
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, the cause for mentioning
zoos
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 of no helpful purpose is that the establishment of a
zoo
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 affects the ecosystem. There is a food chain which is to be followed by the forest residents to maintain effective ecological growth.
Nonetheless
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,
animals
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 are interfered with in their natural upbringing by introducing
zoos
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.
Moreover
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, certain wild
animals
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 die
due to
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 the unavailability of sufficient meat.
Also
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, at times, they enter urban areas and harm humans in search of food.
Additionally
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, the
animals
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 are parted from their offspring or elder ones which fills their heart with grief and sometimes,
this
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 becomes a cause for their death. To exemplify, reports suggest that an imbalanced food chain is the only basis for the extinction of leopards.
Therefore
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, introducing more and more
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is adversely affecting wildlife survival.
To conclude
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,
although
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zoos
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 are essential for the young generation, they turn out to be dangerous for the ecosphere.
Nevertheless
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, in my understanding,
animals
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 in
zoos
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 can be replaced after a few months to avoid
this
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 problem.

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coherence cohesion
Remember to use clear and logical transitions between points to improve the logical structure of your essay. The flow from one idea to another should feel seamless and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your essay's main points and your final opinion. These should stand out and be memorable to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed arguments, explanations, and relevant examples. Each main point should be elaborated upon with clear reasoning and evidence.
task achievement
Ensure you address all parts of the task by providing a balanced discussion of both views, followed by a clear and reasoned personal opinion on the matter.
task achievement
Aim to express your ideas comprehensively and with precision. Avoid vague statements and strive for clarity in your writing to make it easier for the reader to understand your argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points where possible. Rather than making broad statements, tie your reasoning to concrete instances to add credibility to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation
  • habitat
  • endangered species
  • captive breeding
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • animal welfare
  • educational outreach
  • natural environment
  • ethical dilemma
  • ecotourism
  • species preservation
  • behavioral enrichment
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