The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with this problem?
The headmasters of schools should raise the number of hours in which students exercise or do some sports
for overcoming
the extra weight. Personally, Change preposition
to overcome
although
I agree with this
statement I opine that there are some other solutions either which might be explained in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Nowadays, beginners have a sedentary lifestyle due to
the development of technology. They tend to play video imagery instead
of exercising. They don't like to do any physical activities. So, it could be really helpful to
some sports are added to the daily curriculum of learners. Team games Change preposition
if
such
as soccer or individual sports like swimming might be good choices. As a result
, pupils tend to do more physical activities for losing
overweight
Think there are some other useful works which can be done for Change preposition
to lose
this
issue. Firstly
, managers of the cafeteria should choose the proper food or lunch at the school. Not only this
pure food should
contain Vegetables, calcium, and protein but Verb problem
apply
also
they should have
no harmful additives. Rephrase
also have
Secondly
, the responsible
of school can decrease the time which Replace the word
responsibility
s
Correct your spelling
is
spend
using phones for playing video games. They should encourage learners to play physical games just like basketball. By doing Wrong verb form
spent
this
, they can explain the history of that play. Plus, they can intend whoever fits to do the most exercise.
In conclusion, putting the sport on a school's plan might be a really useful way for students to lose extra weight. Planning for healthy food or controlling time for using phones are some other ways that might be practical.Submitted by mosumi431985 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction needs to clearly state your position on the issue and provide an outline of the points you will discuss in the essay. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize the points you have made and restate your opinion.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task and presented clear ideas, but the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic and more specific examples to support your points.