The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with this problem?

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The headmasters of schools should raise the number of hours in which students exercise or do some sports

for overcoming

Change preposition

to overcome

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the extra weight. Personally,

although

I agree with

this

statement I opine that there are some other solutions either which might be explained in the forthcoming paragraphs. Nowadays, beginners have a sedentary lifestyle

due to

the development of technology. They tend to play video imagery

instead

of exercising. They don't like to do any physical activities. So, it could be really helpful

Change preposition

show examples

some sports are added to the daily curriculum of learners. Team games

such

as soccer or individual sports like swimming might be good choices.

As a result

, pupils tend to do more physical activities

for losing

Change preposition

to lose

show examples

overweight Think there are some other useful works which can be done for

this

issue.

Firstly

, managers of the cafeteria should choose the proper food or lunch at the school. Not only

this

pure food

should

Verb problem

apply

show examples

contain Vegetables, calcium, and protein but

also

they should

have

Rephrase

also have

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no harmful additives.

Secondly

, the

responsible

Replace the word

responsibility

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of school can decrease the time which

Correct your spelling

spend

Wrong verb form

spent

show examples

using phones for playing video games. They should encourage learners to play physical games just like basketball. By doing

this

, they can explain the history of that play. Plus, they can intend whoever fits to do the most exercise. In conclusion, putting the sport on a school's plan might be a really useful way for students to lose extra weight. Planning for healthy food or controlling time for using phones are some other ways that might be practical.

Submitted by mosumi431985 on Fri Oct 07 2022

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Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction needs to clearly state your position on the issue and provide an outline of the points you will discuss in the essay. Similarly, the conclusion should summarize the points you have made and restate your opinion.

Task Achievement

You have addressed the task and presented clear ideas, but the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic and more specific examples to support your points.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

258 words

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The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased The amount of time is spent on sports and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children. Do you think this is the best way to deal with this problem?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

in many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside, Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis.Other people believe that world population is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world's economy and society. Discuss both views and give your option.

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?