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Writing Samples
Band 7

Music and other arts seem to be features of every society. In what ways are music and other arts important for societies and for individuals?

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It is true that different forms of
art
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 can be considered as the identity of each community. I would argue that music, painting, photography and other types of
art
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 have many benefits for both individuals and
society
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.
Art
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 can
initially
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 affect each person in a community in a different positive way.
Firstly
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, it improves their learning skills
due to
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 repetitive patterns and rhythm of music and creativity used in other forms
such
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 as paintings and handwriting.
For example
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, different styles of paintings, like surrealism, cubism, and impressionism, require deep thinking and concentration to be understood.
Secondly
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, it is able to foster the spirit of kindness in each individual and enhance their personality and character, leading to improving each person's characteristic features like compassion, kindness and humanity.
Lastly
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, it's
also
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 a great activity to hold galleries and exhibit different artwork made by artists. It's a relaxing hobby and is a great escape from daily routine.
For example
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, taking photos of picturesque rural areas and stunning landscapes,
as well as
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 listening to music and other forms of
art
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, may give everyone a feeling of personal fulfilment. From a different angle, it
also
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 has positive impacts on the
society
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. The well-being of individuals can lead to a happier and safer
society
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. People who give more credit for
art
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 materials would
consequently
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 obey moral rules, which are the foundational element of artwork. In
such
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 a
society
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, the crime rate may fall, and the sense of cooperation and pleasure might increase
instead
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.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 can link different cultures to each other as it is the source of identity of each community.
For instance
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, people from across the world may participate in musical festivals or
art
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 galleries held in a certain country, leading to more cultural interaction and a deep understanding of different traditions. In conclusion, I believe that various types of
art
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 have striking merits, whether for individuals or the whole
society
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.

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Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. Although your essay covers the importance of art well, incorporating more diverse and specific examples can further enrich your argument and vividly demonstrate how art influences both society and individuals.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Utilize a variety of connecting phrases and ensure a clearer progression of thoughts. While your essay generally flows well, refining transitional phrases could enhance the readability and the logical flow of your argument.
General Advice
Expanding your range of vocabulary specific to the topic and varying sentence structures can add sophistication to your response. This would not only demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency but also make your essay more engaging and easier to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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