IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Everybody should expect to have more than one career these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or expereience.

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Nowadays, many
people
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 expect to have more than
one
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 career. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. Having multiple jobs can provide individuals with higher incomes.
People
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 with more
money
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 can meet their daily needs handily.
Additionally
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, they can save for the
future
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 to ensure financial security.
To begin
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 with, it is widely believed that everyone should earn enough
money
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 to cover their daily expenses trippingly. In today's world, the cost of living is constantly increasing, making it essential for
people
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 to have a stable and sufficient income. By having more than
one
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job
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, individuals can increase their earnings and better support themselves and their families.
For example
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, a person working as a teacher may
also
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 take on a part-time
job
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 as a tutor to supplement their income.
This
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 additional source of
money
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 can make their life more manageable.
Therefore
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, having more than
one
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 career is an effective way to meet everyday financial needs.
Moreover
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, having multiple careers allows
people
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 to save
money
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 for their
future
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. Many individuals are concerned about their long-term financial stability, especially as they grow older. By earning
money
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 from different jobs,
people
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 can set aside savings for emergencies or retirement.
For instance
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, someone who works as a freelancer
in addition
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 to their main
job
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 can build a savings account that provides them with security in case of unexpected events.
Thus
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, having more than
one
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job
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 not only supports their current lifestyle but
also
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 prepares them for the
future
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. In conclusion, I believe that expecting to have more than
one
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 career is beneficial. It helps
people
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 earn more to meet their daily needs and allows them to save for a secure
future
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.
Therefore
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, having multiple jobs is a good way to achieve financial stability.

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task achievement
Work on diversifying your supporting examples. The essay relies heavily on financial benefits. Including other potential advantages of having multiple careers, such as personal growth or skill diversification, could provide a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more varied transition phrases and cohesive devices to smoothly link your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas, making it easy to follow and understand the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear beginning and summarizing the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay, ensuring that each point follows logically from the last.
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