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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
There are controversial notions heating up a debate over how to become fruitful in life.
While
 some claim that the sole tactic to achieve high accomplishments is enrolling in colleges, the opposite makes a statement that it has a heavy dependence on alternative elements.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimized the best to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of
doubt
Add an article
a doubt
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, getting into universities
brings
Verb problem
has
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 an immense impact on people’s fruitfulness. In
this
 day and age, we live in a society where degrees, diplomas and certifications are of necessity. In specific, corporations of all kinds, whether grand or insignificant, require degrees from prestigious colleges from their applicants.
For example
, people graduating from well-known academies namely Foreign Trade University and National Economics University will tend to possess a much higher chance of being employed by first-rank industries than those without a certificate of graduation.
Hence
,
institutions
Change the noun form
institution
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 enrollment plays
such
 a paramount pivotal in people’s obtaining high achievements. Whilst the significance of getting into universities is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if that of other elements is ignored completely, especially the collaboration ability.
For example
, provided that one has the capability to collaborate with his or her team
and
Correct word choice
apply
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, he or she will be likely to enhance the
company
Change noun form
company's
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 efficiency comparatively by driving his or her colleagues to the homogeneous goal on the shortest path.
Therefore
, a set of useful skills can be taken into keen concern when it comes to people’s achieving high accomplishments. In conclusion, to become a
high-achiever
Correct your spelling
high achiever
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 in life, enrolling in academies can do wonders,
on the contrary
, alternative factors
such
 as basic soft skills can
also
 facilitate one's success.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay includes a clearly defined thesis statement that guides the reader. Although your position is somewhat clear, a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction can strengthen the impact.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking phrases to clearly show the relationship between ideas, and make sure each paragraph has one main idea that is fully developed.
task achievement
For higher scores in task achievement, develop your ideas more fully with specific, detailed examples. While you provide examples, elaborating on these with more detail and explanation can better demonstrate your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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