IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information
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With the advancements in the field of science, humans jumped from one age to another
first
 came the copper age
then
 iron , and now the modern age.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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, being the backbone of today's world has its fair
share
 of advantages and disadvantages.
Furthermore
, the security of knowledge and its control is not safe in today's world, because of the introduction of the
internet
.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 statement is partially true. Despite, of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
being
Change the form of the verb
is
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 the best invention of humankind, it is
also
 responsible for the birth of
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
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. Which in turn, is responsible for
sufferings
Correct article usage
the sufferings
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 and problems of many individuals worldwide.
Privacy
Correct article usage
The privacy
show examples
 of any individual is not safe,
additionally
Add a comma
,additionally
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 there are frequent breaches in
information
 which results in various other problems.
For example
, in today's world
their
Replace the word
there
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 is a new kind of war, called cyber war.
In which
Change preposition
Which
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 one country tries to steal
information
 from any other country, either by hacking into their system or by introducing
virus
Add an article
the virus
a virus
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 to their system. With the introduction of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, the
information
 which was present in files and documents can now be accessed by any
third
 party. In comparison to the disadvantages,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are
fair
Add an article
a fair
show examples
share
 of plus points as well. With the
internet
 being the source of sharing
information
 and data, people can now
share
 their ideas and voices as well.
For example
, people can now
share
 their product detail and
information
 on various sites, which in turn increases the sale of their product. So, there is some positive impact of sharing
information
 as well.
Hence
, any product is good or bad it is totally dependent on the person using it.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global connectivity
  • digital banking
  • cybersecurity
  • data protection
  • security breaches
  • cyber attacks
  • online transactions
  • digital divide
  • surveillance
  • freedom of information
  • responsible usage
  • ethical considerations
  • digital footprints
  • online behavior
  • information inequality
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