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Band 5

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Other think adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
Living for
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 enjoyment of your
life
 can happen to all ages. The
gladness
 of your
life
 can happen both young
age
 and mature
age
.
Therefore
, It's
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on how you design your
life
.
This
 essay will discuss in the following paragraphs both views as well as why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally think that living
happiness
Replace the word
happily
show examples
 is driven by multiple factors.
Firstly
, younger
people
 are extremely elated during
this
age
 because they are not expected to earn money, take care of their family and suffered from any disease, as
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
are already take
Change the verb form
are already taking
are already taken
show examples
 care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it.
In addition
, young
people
 contain with many power, freedom and
life
 pathway.
On the other hand
, they may seek some task or information that they didn't think before
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
 it. There might be
Correct article usage
an affect
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 and change
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 whole
life
 in the future.
As a result
, most
people
 still think of being young
age
 as
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best time of their lives.
Secondly
, the views of being mature
age
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 like a table turns which is so much different from an adolescent. Being mature will come up with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of responsibilities due to a real chapter of your
life
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
starting. Some
people
 need to take care of their family,
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 hard to get money or
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 disease.
Moreover
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mature
Add an article
the mature
show examples
people
 evaluate their
gladness
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame, wealth and prestige. These are suffered things compare to adolescent
life
.
However
, the
people
 who can
achieved
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
 these things might refer
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
gladness
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
life
. In conclusion, young
age
 and mature
age
 have their own personal way to determine the
gladness
 of their
life
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that being young is the best part of
life
 that brings
a tremendous moments
Correct the article-noun agreement
tremendous moments
a tremendous moment
show examples
 that you will never forget it.
Submitted by arrif_asa on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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