IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message.

#cultures #children #message
Nowadays one of the widely discussed issues is in some nations, young
children
 are told that if they
work
 hard, they can achieve whatever they want. It is undeniable that the young generation is the backbone of the nation.
Therefore
, they should be motivated.
However
, there is no absolute agreement as some people find it beneficial, while others consider everything associated with its negative. In
this
 essay, I will examine both pros and cons of
this
 controversial issue. On the one hand,
this
 message is beneficial to the young generation in many ways.
Children
 dream a lot and they think that anything is possible. If their parents support them and believe in their child, they will increase their self-confidence and encourage them to
work
 harder on themselves.Another important benefit is that it keeps
children
 from getting stressed even when they fail because of their parents' encouragement.
On the other hand
,
children
 who believe
this
 may face several problems when they grow up.
First
, because
children
 think that anything is possible, they have unattainable dreams and face many challenges and failures throughout their lives.
Second
,
children
 may study too much and
work
 too hard.
This
 can have a negative effect on them.
For example
, we can take students who always say that they will be the best. Because they say they will be the best student and it affects their mental health. Having weighed everything mentioned up, I can come to the conclusion that I think it's good to tell kids that they need to
work
 hard to achieve their goals, but it can cause them to have a lot of problems later in life,
such
 as frustration and burnout.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: