Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Many people, and children
in particular
, enjoy playing computer games
all day long. While
some people argue that it brings some advantages on
users, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact.
On the one hand, I accept that video Change preposition
to
games
can be both entertaining and educational. Users are transported into virtual words which are more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes. From an educational perspective, these games
encourage concentration, imagination and creativity as well as
logical thinking and problem solving
, which are useful skills outside the gaming context. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
Moreover
, computer games
can improve users' motor skills and help to prepare them for real-world tasks such
as flying a plane.
However
, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. Gaming can be highly addictive because gamers are constantly given scores, new targets, and frequent rewards to keep them playing. For instance
, many children now spend hours each day trying to progress through the levels of a game or to get a higher score than their friends. This
type of addiction could have bad effect
ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school. Fix the agreement mistake
effects
As a result
, they would sacrifice their homeworks
for a few more hours on the computer. Correct your spelling
homework
Furthermore
, the rise of obesity has been linked to the sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercise that often accompany
gaming addiction.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of video Correct subject-verb agreement
accompanies
games
like addiction and obese
are more significant than the possible benefits.Replace the word
obesity
Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the topic and provides a balanced discussion. To further improve, consider elaborating more on the examples and expanding on the 'education' aspect of video games.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your paragraphs are well-structured, a few more linking phrases might improve the flow.
grammar
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and typos, such as 'worlds' instead of 'words' and 'homework' instead of 'homeworks'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view, presenting both the pros and cons of video games before concluding with your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized and the essay follows a logical structure that is easy to follow.