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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect
Many people, and children
in particular
, enjoy playing computer
games
 all day long.
While
 some people argue that it brings some advantages
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 users, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact. On the one hand, I accept that video
games
 can be both entertaining and educational. Users are transported into virtual words which are more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes. From an educational perspective, these
games
 encourage concentration, imagination and creativity
as well as
 logical thinking and
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
, which are useful skills outside the gaming context.
Moreover
, computer
games
 can improve users' motor skills and help to prepare them for real-world tasks
such
 as flying a plane.
However
, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. Gaming can be highly addictive because gamers are constantly given scores, new targets, and frequent rewards to keep them playing.
For instance
, many children now spend hours each day trying to progress through the levels of a game or to get a higher score than their friends.
This
 type of addiction could have bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school.
As a result
, they would sacrifice their
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 for a few more hours on the computer.
Furthermore
, the rise of obesity has been linked to the sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercise that often
accompany
Correct subject-verb agreement
accompanies
show examples
 gaming addiction. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of video
games
 like addiction and
obese
Replace the word
obesity
show examples
 are more significant than the possible benefits.
Submitted by mohamadazhariazar on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively covers the topic and provides a balanced discussion. To further improve, consider elaborating more on the examples and expanding on the 'education' aspect of video games.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While your paragraphs are well-structured, a few more linking phrases might improve the flow.
grammar
Avoid minor grammatical mistakes and typos, such as 'worlds' instead of 'words' and 'homework' instead of 'homeworks'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view, presenting both the pros and cons of video games before concluding with your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized and the essay follows a logical structure that is easy to follow.
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