IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television. Do you agree or disagree?

#internet #impact #people’s #lives #television
Nowadays
people
 use the
internet
 more than usual
thence
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, It is held that the
internet
 has more effect on
people
 than
TV
due to
 its popularity. I completely agree that
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 has a greater
impact
 and I will provide plausible reasons in my essay.
Firstly
, I think nations use the
Internet
 more than average time and they
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 obsessed with
this
 platform. A to Z of
people
 are now using the
internet
 and social media is one of the most popular platforms, if not the most important one so they
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 great places for informing the population about a situation or news.
For example
, businesses
are benefiting
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 the most
due to
 advertising and many
people
 will believe in those businesses and their products because of their trust in
this
 network,
however
, it's not that easy to have successful advertising since fewer
people
 watch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 or follow television pops up. In my opinion, the
internet
 has become a great place to
make
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 awareness because it's more famous.
Secondly
, fewer and fewer
people
 are buying television and more are using the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 is not
well-known
Rephrase
as well-known
show examples
 as it used to be and today just a few
people
 watch
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
.
For instance
, there are apps
such
 as Netflix and Disney
plus
Capitalize word
Plus
show examples
 for watching movies thence, so
people
 have found a better way to watch dramas and films. The purchase of
tv
 is decreasing and it has no
impact
 on the community. In conclusion, the
internet
 has grown a lot and has a great
impact
 on
people
's lives and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 is not popular enough to have any influence or
impact
 on the community.
Submitted by mahsa.mzi83 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction is not well-structured and could be more focused. Ensure that your thesis statement is clearly defined and directly addresses the prompt.
task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks a clear development of ideas. Make sure to focus on the specific points given in the prompt and develop your ideas clearly and coherently.
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