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Band 5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
It is widely believed that a significant amount of the world's population does not have
food
, even though agriculture has improved. In
this
 essay, I will analyse the reasons for
this
 situation and explain what are the remedial measures that can be taken to settle the issue.
Firstly
, poverty is the main cause that
people
 have to starve. In simple words, despite the foods being available in the market, they do not have enough money to buy them. In fact, most of the workers who are in low-income countries are paid minimum wages.
However
, the implantation of those nations has increased ten times.
Consequently
, their ability to buy
food
 has decreased and it leads to
people
 going hungry.
Secondly
,
people
 suffer from social discrimination and it negatively affects their hunger.
This
 is because, some
people
 do not have
food
 shops in the local or proper transport system to reach the city area, where they can buy
food
.
Furthermore
, some
food
 sellers consider skin colour, language, race or religion before selling their products. So, these causes may be behind the
people
 still lack of
food
. There are a few actions that can be implemented to curb
this
 scenario. Mainly, the government can arrange a token system for poverty
people
 who are deprived of hunger.
For instance
, in India, their government have launched a programme, which is named ‘Eliminate Hunger’ and
this
 has helped more than 500,000
people
 in India.
In addition
 ,
while
 improving basic salary, implantation must be reduced.
Then
 it will empower the
people
 and improve their ability to buy
food
. In conclusion, there is no argument, that many
people
 have suffered from hunger, though technology has improved agriculture. Poverty,
as well as
 disparity in the community,in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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community
Add the comma(s)
community,
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 may have the biggest impact,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 governments have a responsibility to settle
this
 issue by arranging some donations and increasing the income of their
people
.
Submitted by maheshupd08 on

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task response
Provide a clearer and more focused response to the essay question by addressing all aspects of the prompt. Ensure that the content is relevant and directly relates to the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas and logical progression of arguments. Strengthen the introduction and conclusion by directly addressing the question and summarizing the key points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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