IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Promoting healthy lifestyels is betther than treating obese people

#lifestyels #betther #people
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Promoting healthy life is more important than treating obesity because treatment will cost more money, during the progress of prevention
people
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 feel confident, and they would be healthier. Promoting healthy
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lifestyles
lifestyle
lifesytles
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lifestyles
 will cost less money than a treatment. In some
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countries
contries
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countries
, medical treatment is
chealper
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cheaper
 than in
U.S.A
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the U.S.A
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.
However
Linking Words
, it will
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still
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sill
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still
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 cost a
lot
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 if it is an operation or more. It would
better
Add a missing verb
be better
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 to prevent obesity since it occurs a
lot
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 of diseases.
Also
Linking Words
, preventing it would help reduce the rate of obese
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, exercising and eating healthier foods would both prevent and treat it.
Second
Linking Words
, it will increase
people
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's confidence.
People
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 feel happy and pleased
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when
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hen
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when
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 they
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their goals to
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lose
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loose
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lose
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 weight. They feel confident about their health, figures, and more. When they once gain
their
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apply
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confidence and happiness, they will try hard to stay healthy not wanting to be obese again.
Lastly
Linking Words
, promoting healthy lifestyles will help
people
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 to stay healthy. Nowadays,
people
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 see
Youtubes
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YouTube
 and TV programs a
lot
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. Celebrities are filmed eating a
lot
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 of
foods
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food
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 and doing Mukbang. Kids start to follow them and start eating a
lot
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. If they do not control the amount of food they eat, they will be unhealthy. To prevent
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can exercise and control themselves well. They should
also
Linking Words
 eat slowly because our bodies need time to realize that we ate and feel full.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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