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Band 4.5

In some countries the elderly are highly valued and respected, while in others youth is more highly valued. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#countries #youth
In the world there are many
amount
Change to a plural noun
amounts
show examples
 of cultures, respectively mentalities
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 separated differently.
This
 essay will be discussed on
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
show examples
 that in some cultures,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
 is more valued, while
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 cultures
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
youth
 is more valued. In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 world the
youth
 is more valued,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 reason for
this
 is education. In comparison with old
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 the
youth
 learn and know better about technologies, digitalisation,
biotechnology
Correct word choice
and biotechnology
show examples
,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 short improvements in 21 century. To illustrate famous companies like Google, Microsoft, Facebook,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
show examples
 every year look for new employees. The main
criterie
Correct your spelling
criteria
criterion
 is that applying
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 must have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high education, apply with perspective and know foreign and programming languages. Of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 these types of
Correct your spelling
criteria
criterie
Correct your spelling
criteria
 can be impossible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
. As a matter of
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 I can say about
Kazakhstah
Correct your spelling
Kazakhstan
. Since
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 was able to
Correct your spelling
develop
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 several spheres
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 education, the
youth
 is been more valued. Special for them in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 built universities like Nazarbaev University, Astana IT University, Almaty International University and so on. Year by year old
people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not valuing. But the same types of
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
have not
show examples
 stopped
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
one-way
Correct your spelling
one way
show examples
. Old
people
also
studying
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
,
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
,
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
new spheres for them.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 many professors have old
age
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
word
Add a comma
,word
show examples
 I
satisfied
Add a missing verb
am satisfied
show examples
 with
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that competition is available for both types of
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
. To conclude I would like to say that not only the
youth
 deserves
being
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
driver's
Correct article usage
the driver's
show examples
 seat. Life always remains with interesting competitions. The main thing is to do everything on time.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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