IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#punishment #students #schools #decline #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 the practice of penalizing
students
Use synonyms
 physically is reduced
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is said that it should be used to discipline them. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
, as it is not in line with human rights and hitting
students
Use synonyms
 could cause long-term side effects on their mental health.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in schools it is the responsibility of the teachers to bring out the best in their
students
Use synonyms
 and beating them might cause them to become less attentive and bunk the
school
Use synonyms
 at times. There are different choices to bring discipline to
school
Use synonyms
-going
children
Use synonyms
 like making them understand their bad conduct and motivating them to concentrate on their studies.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 behave in a notorious manner in a lecture rather than punishing them, they should be given a responsibility where their notoriousness can be employed.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in situations where
children
Use synonyms
 are being physically abused, it may have a negative impact on their psychological health as they are in the developing stage. In
such
Linking Words
 cases, younger ones may have traumatic responses where they could face nightmares or can take extreme steps of mass shootings on
school
Use synonyms
 premises. An example of
this
Linking Words
 is of a country where a student was hit by his educator and was bullied by his fellow classmates, in response to
this
Linking Words
 incident he used a rifle for firing in
school
Use synonyms
 which led to the death of 25
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
students
Use synonyms
 enrol in
school
Use synonyms
 for getting educated and to have a prosperous future but corporal punishments can cause them to divert from their studies and take unwarranted decisions. So, it is necessary, to employ different methods to discipline the
students
Use synonyms
 and make them increase their involvement in education.
Submitted by sahil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: