These days older people who have retired often choose to spend money on them. For example on holiday, rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development

Nowadays, it is common practice for retirees to use all their funds for
enjoyment
instead
of saving and leaving and leaving an inheritance for their offspring. I think
this
is a positive development because it allows elderly
people
to enjoy the reward of their labour and
also
instils the habit of hard
work
in young folks. One reason why the aged should expend money on things that will benefit them is to allow for the
enjoyment
of all the hard
work
they have done earlier in life.
In other words
, most individuals do not have time for
holidays
during their active
work
years, so all the monies saved from these long years of
work
should be spent on
holidays
, trips and other activities that bring happiness to them when they retire.
For example
, old
people
going on
holidays
will keep them busy and
further
improve their quality of life. Another plus point why elderly ones should use their pension for
enjoyment
is because it serves as a means of encouragement to young
people
to imbibe the habit of hard
work
.
This
form of
enjoyment
in old age becomes a motivation for those who are young and still in active service to enable them to put in their best at
work
.
As
Correct word choice
Holidays
show examples
holidays
and travelling around the world become a gratification to those who
work
and save money in their early years.
For instance
, these
holidays
reinforce the positive value of hard
work
in the youth. In conclusion, I think the elderly should spend money on things that make them happy
instead
of setting the finances aside for children.
This
is because the
enjoyment
is a reward for their Labour and it
also
encourages young
people
to
work
hard.
Submitted by beansola on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides a clear opinion. However, the support for the opinion is limited and lacks depth. More specific examples and detailed explanations would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive, and the use of cohesive devices could be improved to better link ideas within and between sentences.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary is fairly limited, with some noticeable repetition of words and phrases. More varied and precise vocabulary would enhance the quality of the writing.
grammatical range
While the essay demonstrates control of basic grammatical structures, there are some errors and awkward phrasing that affect the overall coherence and clarity. Pay attention to sentence structure and use of complex grammar to improve the range and accuracy of language.
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