Many people believe that music is just a form of entertaintment, whilst others beliee that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (250 words)

#people #music #form #entertaintment #whilst #beliee #impact #society

Music

is known as a form of entertainment for many

people

. Some

people

believe that

music

can be special to them but others believe not. In my opinion, I believe that each individual, their definition of the melodies is different on a person, likes or dislikes. On the one hand,

people

describe songs as something extremely important to their lives. Some songs can reduce one level of anxiety and depression by expressing emotions thought which cannot be explained in words.

For example

, one of the physiology doctors DrNick Grants did an experiment with

music

, apply to patients who have anxiety.

As a result

music

melody has a huge power to help the patients calm down their mindset.

On the other hand

, some

people

define

music

as just a way of entertaining themselves . They don't have the talent to feel the meaning of melody, they just only listen when they are bored. For those beautiful

music

are just dispensable to them.

However

, they believe spending more time doing other things would be more valuable than listening to a melody.

For example

, a girl who really likes high-intensity training will prefer to do what she loves

instead

of listening

music

Change preposition

to music

show examples

. She will only listen to

music

when she is bored. In conclusion,

although

some individuals will believe

music

contains a strong connection with the human brain, others will not believe that. Everyone has their own tastes, and the meaning of

Remove the article

apply

show examples

activity will change depending on what they like or dislike.

Submitted by yumiwong1212123 on Mon Oct 10 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that music is just a form of entertaintment, whilst others beliee that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (250 words)

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

It is suggested that solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of an international organization rather than each national government. To what extent do you agree or disagree

In some countries, buying a car rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

New technologies provided machines which replaced workers to do certain physical jobs and tasks. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?