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Writing Samples
Band 4

it has been suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Advantages and disadvantages

#children #vegetables #animals
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Should the primary
children
Use synonyms
 be taught gardening and animal husbandry
in
Change preposition
at
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their
Change the word
an
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 early age? The merits of learning aforesaid skills, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 to grow organic
food
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 and to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 about
animals
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,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 insignificant in comparison to the demerits of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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learning these skills, including distraction from academics and danger of any accident .
Wheather
Correct your spelling
Whether
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 the recommendation that primary
children
Use synonyms
 be taught gardening and animal husbandry holds any logic? The above development may
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 a skill not only
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 growing organic
food
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 but
also
Linking Words
 to learn animal care.
This
Linking Words
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
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learning about vegetable plating and animal care, in primary classes, could help a child to learn about agriculture and helps to grow a variety of naturally developed vegetables, be it cabbage, Spinach, onion or potato, more effectively and
also
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 help to learn about
animals
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 requirements;
consequently
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, organic
food
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 growing techniques will help a child to eat
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 meal and
also
Linking Words
 helps to develop his interest with
animals
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 care and get acquainted
to
Change the preposition
with
show examples
 the unconditional love of pets. Despite the possibility of getting organic
food
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 and knowledge about
animals
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 in elementary
school
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, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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inevitablely
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inevitably
inevitable
effect
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affect
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 the academic performance of a
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school goer
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schoolgoer
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. Since the vegetable plantation and
animals
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 require
a
Correct article usage
apply
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regular watch and hard efforts, certainly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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primary
school
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children
Use synonyms
 will find it hard to concentrate on their studies.
As a result
Linking Words
, their academic performance would be affected; and in
worse
Add an article
the worse
a worse
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 case,
Add an article
the student
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 can be expelled from
school
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 owing to bad performance in class.
Besides
Linking Words
 the bad result in
school
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, indulging
the
Correct article usage
apply
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primary
school
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children
Use synonyms
 in
such
Linking Words
 practices will definitely put their lives in danger. To be precise, for vegetable growing some pesticides and insecticides are used for
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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better growth, thereby those are very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and a fatal accident could
be happened
Change to the active voice
happen
have happened
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.
Linking Words
This apart
Correct determiner usage
Apart
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, some
animals
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 are non-friendly,
For example
Linking Words
- some specified cruel species of dogs like Pitbull, and allowing the
children
Use synonyms
 to interact with them could put their lives in danger. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary
children
Use synonyms
 can get the benefits from growing organic
food
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 caring
Use synonyms
animals
Change preposition
for animals
show examples
,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 demerits of fatal accidents and lack of concentration in studies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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far outstrip the former.
Submitted by SANDHU2037 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable practices
  • cultural literacy
  • hands-on experience
  • nutritional awareness
  • curriculum integration
  • time management
  • resource allocation
  • school gardening projects
  • animal husbandry
  • ecosystem education
  • dietary habits
  • work ethic
What to do next:
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