IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Statement: Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #circle #relationships
It is often considered that a few masses want to have a large clique of
people
. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 some argue to have only small surroundings with them. In my, inclination connectivity with
people
 is a personal choice whether to have a more social circle or not.
This
 essay
further
 elaborates on both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 and
thus
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a logical conclusion. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
, embark individuals want to have more connections socially with
people
, some reason is,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 want to make a happy environment in their surroundings so they
use to
Verb problem
can
show examples
 connect with many
people
.
Moreover
, making connections will help you out in each and every situation of life.
However
, being socially connected with a large group of masses
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 you with making essential
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 in life.
For example
, My grandfather has a social group of more than 300 individuals, they all run small events ones in a year to get together and showcase their talent. Probing ahead, some
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to have a few close connections because they do not want negative thoughts in their surroundings so they maintain a relationship with a few
people
.
In addition
 to
this
, contemporary-era
people
 want to have serenity so they use to avoid being social with others.
Furthermore
, some masses want to focus on their respective goals they do not want any distractions they live alone. To recapitulate,
according to
 the
argument
Add a comma
argument,
show examples
 one can reach the conclusion that it is a matter of personal choice to be socially interactive with many
people
 or not.
Besides
, both views have their own pros and cons.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt clearly and thoroughly. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of both views and support your opinion with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay by organizing your ideas more cohesively. Use transition words and phrases to connect your paragraphs and improve the flow of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: