IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that having people from different nationalities and cultural back ground living together in the same country makes the country to develop faster.do you agree

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays we live in a globalised society, where
people
Use synonyms
 who come from different
cultures
Use synonyms
 can meet each other and live together.
Body paragraph 1
Someone may think having individuals with different backgrounds help countries to develop faster.
Body paragraph 2
In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 from different areas and cultural contexts can make a significant improvement for a region.
Body paragraph 3
This
Linking Words
 is due to the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 can learn about new
cultures
Use synonyms
 and the
country
Use synonyms
 can assume an international attractiveness for
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
In
this
Linking Words
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will explain the reasons why an international background can be a good factor for a State.
Body paragraph 5
People
Use synonyms
 love to learn, especially when it comes to learning from new
cultures
Use synonyms
, the motive is that they can discover new approaches, new ideas and new ways of thinking.
For example
Linking Words
, in the sector of ,medicine the meeting of two different
cultures
Use synonyms
 can lead to important benefits by adopting studies which come from different areas, and
this
Linking Words
 can develop a strong and innovative
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 field in a
country
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, having two distinct and maybe opposite values and visions can help to build a strong government.
Body paragraph 6
For these reasons, a
country
Use synonyms
 should include in its own community individuals from different
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 7
Furthermore
Linking Words
, never as today, a lot of students and workers are looking for countries that can offer them an international background, in order to feel at home while at the same time building a new multiethnic network.
For instance
Linking Words
, researches demonstrate that Sweden, a multicultural
country
Use synonyms
 in the north of Europe, shows a wide multicultural background and
this
Linking Words
 decrease the racism among
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.
Body paragraph 8
Diversity among citizens can lead to more attractiveness for an area.
Conclusion
To conclude, today for a
country
Use synonyms
 having a multiethnic base is one of the most important factors. Meeting and collaboration among
people
Use synonyms
 from different parts of the world and cosmopolitan fairness can surely lead to faster development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: