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Band 6

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements , and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
It is claimed that famous figures mislead young students since they are famous for their ideal lifestyles and appearances rather than their talents. I strongly support
this
 statement since said individuals have a negative impact on a majority of teenagers' education and their mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Firstly
, some celebrities may express bad behaviours
such
 as
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of alcohol and offensive language, smoking, drinking, or even engaging in illegal activities. Several teenagers undoubtedly
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
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 those bad manners and become ill-mannered children.
Next
, most
influencers
 have been faking their perfect visuals and trying to convey the idea that their lifestyles are ideal. For
this
 reason, young people may begin to compare themselves with unrealistic standards and start to become materialists.
Furthermore
, being so leads to low self-esteem and mental health difficulties which is going to hinder students' capacity to concentrate on their studies.
Although
 opponents of
this
 idea state that not all
influencers
 are attention-seekers and problematic beings,we can all acknowledge that the majority of famous people do more harm than good. In my opinion , most so-called figures are
likely
Change the adjective
likely
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 counterfeiting their ‘good-natured’ personalities to attract more followers around the world which can increase their income.
Nevertheless
, celebrities demonstrate that one can gain a large amount of money with minimal effort and without having to study or obtain an educational degree.Many sources
consequently
 reported that today's youth would choose to become online
influencers
instead
 of pursuing professions that will benefit the world.
This
 proves the significant damage done to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adolescents' academic performance and their future.
Influencers
 don't just deceive wrong ideas; they
also
 cause students to be distracted from learning.
Hence
,
influencers
 have a detrimental effect on a lot of young people. I believe adults would need to educate teenagers about the consequences of online influences to prevent their misperceptions
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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