IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The mobile phone has become very important in kids' lives as the world has
gone
Verb problem
become
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 digital and harder to live in
coupled with
Linking Words
 its cruelty. I strongly agree that a child needs a mobile computer to survive in
this
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 modern world because of some reasons which include learning and obtaining information. The first reason why a young person needs a mobile phone is because of learning. In
this
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 new age, some course is being offered online and these young ones engage in that which help them to gain the necessary certificates to face the world when they become adults.
For instance
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, my younger brother was opportune to enrol in an information technology course with an online university, and now, he is able to
use
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 the
knowledge
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 to better himself and our family as he is able to sell his
knowledge
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 for money online and help out in training of our younger ones.
Therefore
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, making
use
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 of his handset has brought him and the entire family a good thing. The second reason why children need to be allowed to make
use
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 of computer sets at home is to enable them to have
knowledge
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 about everything on the globe. There is so much news online which can be assessed using mobile phones and
this
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equipe
Correct your spelling
equips
 the young generations with the right data about
this
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 universe, and it helps them avoid dangers when it's happening.
For example
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, the news of insurgence in the northern states of Nigeria has been in the news online and most children assess them and hear of these broadcasts,
hence
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, they make their resolve on how to solve these issues on their own end by helping their parents make decisions that help the individual's family
thus
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 saving their lives. Some juveniles act on some piece of data online, advising their elders on some important matters like vacating the land or emigrating so they can be saved in times of trouble. In summary, it has become a very important need for a child to make
use
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 of mobile computers in
this
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 hard new age as there are insecurities everywhere. I strongly agree with that,
due to
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 the fact that they learn from there and get the
knowledge
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 that better their lives and those around them.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and cohesive structure to your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas should be logically connected and presented in a coherent manner.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic sufficiently and provided relevant examples to support your points. Ensure that your ideas are presented clearly and comprehensively, and pay attention to the structure of your response to fully address the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • absolute necessity
  • emergencies
  • GPS features
  • educational apps
  • online resources
  • social connectivity
  • social skills
  • tech-centric world
  • proficient
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • screen addiction
  • adverse effects
  • mental health
  • parental control apps
  • monitor
  • activities
  • distraction
  • academic performance
  • health concerns
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sleep disturbances
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