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Band 4.5

In many cities many people are living alone What are the reason for it? Is this a positive or a negative?

#cities #people #reason
The graph gives information about the
number
 of
people
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 men and women who used to study
diverse
Add an article
the diverse
a diverse
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 in 1995 and 2010 The
number
 of
people
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
keen on studying at the schools who
was
Change the verb form
were
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 more in 1995 in comparison to 2000 The
number
 of
people
were
Change the verb form
was
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 a key
non studying
Add a hyphen
non-studying
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 at schools who were
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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born in 1995 in comparison to 2010 a descending trend We can see some minor increment for subjects
such
 as media study for both sexes In the contemporary epoch, there are a lot of human beings who live alone in their homes. contentions will be demonstrated below in the following lines. Many of the masses who live in cities have migrated from the rural zones to industrial places to be employed in giant companies or for higher incomes
thus
, they had to leave their Hometown and families to move to cities and Settle in Small houses alone without no Member of their folk.
Moreover
,
people
 need to work over hours to get promotions or achieve higher earnings
hence
 their time is limited to their workplace and home for resting.
in other words
, there is not enough time for socializing and spare time to meet new
people
 and make friends.
Consequently
, the
number
 of
people
 they see is restricted so the chance of meeting a new partner or a reliable friend to live with is almost impossible.
This
 kind of living has demerits which are inevitable.
Firstly
 living on your own can bring mental disorders. humankind is a social species generally, so we need to be in a crowd
otherwise
, we can be subject to diseases
such
 as depression which is a principal concern in
this
 modern world.
secondly
 , living solo can hurt our body's health. it means that when we are in pain or suffering from a sickness there is no one to take care of us or in a more serious situation and life-threatening may be in danger.
for example
, a person who had a stroke
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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home alone could not have access to an Immediate medical emergency because they lose consciousness. To sum up, it seems that,
this
 type of living has become more radical as humans advance in the industry. potential problems are much greater than what we approach on the other side and we need to find answers to
this
 issue to prevent more and more difficulties.
Submitted by shiva_karimi30 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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