IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many countries spend a lot of money in the arts. Some people think investment in the arts is necessary, but others say money is better spent on public service and facilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #money #arts #people #investment #service #facilities
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Some
governments
Use synonyms
 financially support
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art development. But some
people
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 argue that they should invest in public
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 and
facilities
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. In my opinion, I think
governments
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 should spend more money mainly
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 upgrading
the
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apply
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public services and
facilities
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. Some
people
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 think
governments
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 ought to invest in the arts
,
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apply
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 because
this
Linking Words
 can make their city more attractive. It is an enjoyable thing that the city is decorated with sculptures or
colorful
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colourful
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 paintings. In
this
Linking Words
 way, more visitors will come to have a trip there. Thereby, it can promote
the
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apply
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economic development.
By contrast
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, if a city
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
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 have any art exhibitions all year
Correct your spelling
round
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around
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round
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, urban dwellers wouldn’t arise their horizons and
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
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 depressed with their daily life.
Although
Linking Words
 art can help residents with their creativity and artistic taste, more money should be used
in
Change preposition
to
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 building a wholesome
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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.
For example
Linking Words
, it’s important to establish an efficient public transport system. If there isn’t a well-built traffic system, there will be more traffic accidents and traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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,
thus
Linking Words
 numerous businesses will be affected. Another example is a
government supportive
Add a hyphen
government-supportive
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 public school and other educational resources
such
Linking Words
 as libraries will benefit
people
Use synonyms
 a lot. Those can help more children to learn knowledge and improve young
people
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’s job prospects. Public services
such
Linking Words
 as medical
facilities
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 can help
people
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 reduce the opportunities of getting ill and improve their health.
People
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 can gain a lot of advantages directly if
governments
Use synonyms
 invest more money in public
facilities
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. As for arts, the benefit is small and don’t contribute much to our life. In conclusion, I am convinced that
governments
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 in countries all around the world should focus on public services and
facilities
Use synonyms
,
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apply
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 because
this
Linking Words
 can make their country more prosperous, even though artistic works can decorate our life to some extent.
Submitted by huhuhuhu00 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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