People after retirement often require financial assistance. Some think the government should be responsible for this, while others believe individuals should make provisions for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

After retiring,
individuals
need financial
support
. Some believe that it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
responsibility of
governments
to help them, while others believe that they ought to provide it
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own.
Although
some
governments
cannot afford to give financial
support
to their retired
individuals
, I believe that
governments
should give them assistance because they dedicated a significant era of their lives
serving
Change preposition
to serving
show examples
their nation. On the one hand, some believe that retired
individuals
should provide financial
support
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own because
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
do not have enough budget to
support
them.
In other words
, the number of retirees
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increasing day after day, and it needs a lot of money to
support
them, which is a big issue in front of other important projects of a
country
. In Afghanistan,
for example
, because of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
crisis government cannot
support
their retired
individuals
and they have to decrease
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
of
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
sector to
support
them.
However
, I believe that government should
support
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
retired
individuals
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, others believe that
governments
are responsible to give financial
support
to their retired
individuals
because they dedicated an important era of their lives to
serve
Wrong verb form
serving
show examples
their
country
.
That is
to say, when they were young and had
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
they worked for their
country
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a low salary, which was very challenging for them to save
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for their future needs.
For example
, teachers in Afghanistan, worked several decades
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
a low salary and need financial
support
after retirement for their basic needs. For
this
reason, I believe that
governments
should give financial help to their retired citizens. In conclusion, some think that
governments
are not responsible for financial help to their retired
individuals
because
governments
cannot afford it, while others believe that
governments
are responsible for that because retired citizens spend a significant period of their time serving their
country
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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