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Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sports #effect #education #teenagers
There are conflicting opinions regarding whether competitive
sports
 are beneficial to
teenagers
.
This
 essay will analyze arguments on both sides before deducting my personal opinion. On the one hand, competitive
sports
 allow youths to experience their
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
skills
 step by step,
therefore
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 them to become practical and perseverant. To be more specific, in order to win in
sports
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
,
teenagers
 need to keep
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 their
skills
 and learn lessons from every practice.
For example
, a badminton player would need to receive
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 non-stop running for 10
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 as well as
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 the same technical move over hundreds of times on a daily basis, in an attempt to develop their
skills
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
badminton gradually.
Such
 arduous processes will teach
teenagers
 that
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 and success are the results
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 perseverance and hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.
Therefore
, they will have a stronger heart and be able to constantly apply themselves when having a clear target in their future life.
On the other hand
,
teenagers
 would
also
 become too goal-oriented if too much emphasis is placed on the final result. Young people playing
sports
 usually represent their school in competitions. If
this
 is the case, in order to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 satisfying result, their coaches would put too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
 on them, which can make them believe that winning is extremely important and they would achieve
goal
Add an article
the goal
a goal
show examples
 at any cost. Later in their adult life, they would reckon that
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 the
desire
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desired
show examples
 goal or not is the only way to estimate career success. If they fail to achieve the goal they want, they would feel unworthy or even
stressful
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stressed
show examples
, which will have a negative impact on their working performance. In conclusion, I feel that the impact of competitive
sports
 depends on how
teenagers
 and their
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
 approach it.
teenagers
 will benefit from
sports
 if they focus on developing their
skills
 rather than the result. Whereas if the only meaning to
Add an article
the teenager
a teenager
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 of
sports
 is just to win,
sports
 competitions would be detrimental to children’s future life.
Submitted by hbljy123 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • valuable life skills
  • mental focus
  • teamwork and communication
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • neglecting academics
  • intense pressure
  • physical injuries
  • mental stress
  • time commitment
  • fear of failure
  • emotional well-being
  • academic performance
  • balancing sports and academics
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