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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competitive sports have a positive effect on the education of teenagers while others argue that the effect is negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There are conflicting opinions regarding whether competitive
sports
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 are beneficial to
teenagers
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.
This
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 essay will analyze arguments on both sides before deducting my personal opinion. On the one hand, competitive
sports
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 allow youths to experience their
growing
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growth
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in
Change preposition
apply
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skills
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 step by step,
therefore
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encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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 them to become practical and perseverant. To be more specific, in order to win in
sports
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competition
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competitions
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,
teenagers
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 need to keep
practicing
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practising
show examples
 their
skills
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 and learn lessons from every practice.
For example
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, a badminton player would need to receive
a
Remove the article
apply
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training
of
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in
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 non-stop running for 10
kilometers
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kilometres
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 as well as
practicing
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practising
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 the same technical move over hundreds of times on a daily basis, in an attempt to develop their
skills
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of
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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badminton gradually.
Such
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 arduous processes will teach
teenagers
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 that
growing
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growth
show examples
 and success are the results
from
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of
show examples
 perseverance and hard
working
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work
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.
Therefore
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, they will have a stronger heart and be able to constantly apply themselves when having a clear target in their future life.
On the other hand
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,
teenagers
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 would
also
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 become too goal-oriented if too much emphasis is placed on the final result. Young people playing
sports
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 usually represent their school in competitions. If
this
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 is the case, in order to achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 satisfying result, their coaches would put too
much
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many
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pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
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 on them, which can make them believe that winning is extremely important and they would achieve
goal
Add an article
the goal
a goal
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 at any cost. Later in their adult life, they would reckon that
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
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 the
desire
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desired
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 goal or not is the only way to estimate career success. If they fail to achieve the goal they want, they would feel unworthy or even
stressful
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stressed
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, which will have a negative impact on their working performance. In conclusion, I feel that the impact of competitive
sports
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 depends on how
teenagers
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 and their
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
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 approach it.
teenagers
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 will benefit from
sports
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 if they focus on developing their
skills
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 rather than the result. Whereas if the only meaning to
Add an article
the teenager
a teenager
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teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 of
sports
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 is just to win,
sports
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 competitions would be detrimental to children’s future life.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote a healthier lifestyle
  • valuable life skills
  • mental focus
  • teamwork and communication
  • time management
  • stress relief
  • neglecting academics
  • intense pressure
  • physical injuries
  • mental stress
  • time commitment
  • fear of failure
  • emotional well-being
  • academic performance
  • balancing sports and academics
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