IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
Many
people
 believe that focused efforts on eradicating causes of
health
 issues and illness can be more cost-effective than spending a humongous amount of money on remedies and treatments. In my opinion, the government should allocate appropriate funding towards the prevention of various diseases to ensure that
people
 do not fall ill.
Firstly
, the authorities must work to promote a healthy lifestyle.
For example
, they must take necessary steps to control or stop the unhealthy diet habits of their citizens. One way
this
 can be achieved is by charging a high rate of taxes or by banning all food and drinks that can lead to serious
health
 issues.
For instance
, in Gujarat, consumption or possession of alcohol is completely banned, and heavy penalties are imposed on law-breakers. The introduction of
such
 strict measures can help in reducing the chances of
health
 risks.
Secondly
, by spending funds towards
health
 awareness campaigns the government can make
people
 aware of the severe consequences of unhealthy habits like smoking. A good example of
this
 is, in India, all cigarette boxes mandatorily have a picture of affected lungs with a clear message “smoking is injurious to
health
”. So, every time a person buys a pack they think twice about the consequences of smoking.
Therefore
,
this
 led to a 30% drop in the sales of cigarettes in India in 2019 as reported in the Times of India.
Thus
, it is quite evident that the government’s funding towards controlling
health
 issues is effective. A lot of
people
’s lives can be saved through the introduction of rigorous policies and public education campaigns.
In addition
,
people
 will not fall sick and a lot of money can be saved by reducing the burden on public healthcare facilities.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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