IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children’s who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults

#people #sense #competition #children #children’s #adults
There are two types of approaches regarding the upbringing of the younger ones. With
this
 in mind, some consider being competitive better than being cooperative and vice versa. According to my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
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 both have their own pros and cons which I will illustrate in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
life
 is a race and in
this
world
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,world
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 only the person who is
better
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a better
show examples
 performer than others will win.
For example
, research conducted
in
Change preposition
at
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 Howard University
,
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apply
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 stated that people working in the
rivalry
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rival
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 ecosystem perform better than
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 working alone and
also
 create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of
Correct your spelling
self-achievement
show examples
self- achievement
Correct your spelling
self-achievement
show examples
 and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
.
For instance
, competitions are conducted in every field of
life
 just to create a competitive atmosphere
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 to yield the best out of a person’s brain. Needless to say,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of competition should be created from the early stage of
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
life
 to push their goals and explore
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthier opportunities in
life
. On the other side, no one can win only by competing with others all the time, sometimes in some
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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 being cooperative is necessary,
for example
, a survey in Norway suggested that people working in helpful environments gave higher output.
Moreover
,
kids
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kids'
kid's
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 group studying often come up with better ideas and reasoning.
Furthermore
, society
flourish
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flourishes
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 more when everyone is ready to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
instead
 of bringing them down. To conclude, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views are correct.
However
, there should be
balance
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a balance
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 between them to let
the
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apply
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society and
children’s
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children
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grow
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growth
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 in a good way.
Submitted by ammaramaqsood60 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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