Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is a common phenomenon that younger generations tend to overuse their smartphones. I think the reason behind
this
case is related to the improvements in technology.
This
essay will demonstrate the necessity of its usage followed by an analysis of the negative impact on their lives. The main reason for
this
case is everything is connected to smart devices which are used not only for communication but
also
for educational purposes.
For example
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, pupils were urged to isolate themselves from communities and use phones in order to study
as well as
communicate with each other. Since they were no longer able to meet in person at that time, overconsumption became undeniable and
for
this
reason, the hours they spent online have skyrocketed.
Moreover
, it has become an essential tool for communication
due to
the development of social media. Even though smartphones give us endless possibilities, it has several bad effects on youths. First of all, being online isolates them from their loved ones,
such
as parents and siblings, and affects the quality of their relationships.
Furthermore
, it encourages them to prefer hanging out with friends online, since it is easier and quicker than meeting physically.
Secondly
, strangers with whom teenagers chat online are not always trustworthy, which can lead to a dangerous situation.
Therefore
, taking a lack of real connection and the uncertainty of online chatting into consideration, I would say that it has negative results. In conclusion, some children's usage of smart devices is out of line, which is often associated with the modern advancement of technology.
However
, these improvements help us during harsh events, especially pandemics, depending on mobile phones is clearly negative for their well-being.
Submitted by mongoliatg on

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Task Response
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more engaging and comprehensive. Your main points need further development and support.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is generally logical, but your main points need more support and development to strengthen the coherence of your essay. Work on providing stronger linkages between your sentences and paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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