IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
Nowadays there is a multitude of contemporary medical treatments which are too expensive and not affordable for some people. Despite
this
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 every
country
 should have a free
health
 service. In
this
 case, I personally believe that it is better for governments to provide
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 families with free medical care.
First
 and foremost, it is obvious that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should at least allocate a budget for medicinal care for needy people.
Reason
Add an article
The reason
show examples
 behind
this
 is that for those who are at the bottom of the socioeconomic hierarchy, it is more sophisticated to pay for medical treatments, not to mention the fact that
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 and modern
health
 care are more high-priced.
Moreover
, even the drugs are not available and big-budget. To give an illustration, in some countries the needs of the individual,
in
particular
Add an article
a particular
show examples
 treatment,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 fully paid for by the government.
Secondly
, it may be detrimental for governments, if there won’t
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
any amenities related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine for humans with low financial status. Because
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
 level of
health
 in the
country
 depends on citizens’
health
. To give an illustration, if more and more people die from the inability to pay for
therapeutical
Replace the word
therapeutic
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 treatment,
then
 the standard of living in the
country
 will fall, respectively.
Hence
, there will be terrible consequences for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
, namely, the economy will deteriorate, tourism will not develop and the
country
 will not be in demand for life. To conclude, a government that truly cares about its citizens will not only think about new treatments or about money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but would focus more on the state of
health
 of their nation.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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