IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people like to go on holiday abroad, while others believe it is better to visit places within their own country. Discuss boh views and give your own opinion.

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However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are various arguments
are
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb are appears to be unnecessary here.

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existing regarding holidays. Few folks seem to share that visiting abroad on holiday periods makes it more energetic, but others oppose it by saying that the places in their own country are beneficial. I partially agree with
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 notion to a certain extent. On the one hand, there are a plethora of advantages to going on an international tour.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, individuals can explore new places which helps them to know the culture and traditions of the locality.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if they plan to go to aboard they can get an opportunity to learn a different language by meeting the local population which will be beneficial for their future to find work easily around the globe.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, as per Australian government law non-native crowd which are competent in the English language only they can get employment there.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, domestic visitors play a vital role in the growth of the country by contributing to the tourism sector,
as a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the economy of the country
go to
Verb problem
is

There may be a verb use issue here.

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 rising.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if the tourist attraction
will
Verb problem
is

There may be a verb use issue here.

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enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb enhance. Consider changing it.

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 in the region it will help the community to find job opportunities in their areas,
consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the unemployment rate will decrease which is a global issue at present. To illustrate, a survey report revealed that in India the tourism industry provides 17% of work to the masses on a national level.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, an international trip not only helps people to know about different culture and rituals but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 open the scope for searching for job opportunities around the world by learning new vocabulary, at the same time, national visitor help to government by increasing the employment rate in the society which is a global challenge.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the two views being discussed and take care to develop a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points. Additionally, focus on using linking words to connect ideas within and between sentences.
Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, offering a discussion of both views and a personal opinion. However, the argument lacks depth in places and could benefit from stronger analysis of each view. It would be beneficial to present more specific examples to support the ideas.
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