IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain a high level of sugar, causing health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drinks #products #level #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays public debate has been going on over whether the cost of
products
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 that contain high amounts of
sugar
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 should be increased to motivate
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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. Scientists have proved almost a decade ago that
sugar
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 is a highly addictive substance. The raised concern is on the right way, but I believe that making
products
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 more expensive is the wrong way to deal with society's addiction to sweets and sugary drinks.
Firstly
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, I am afraid that raising the prices of sugared food might harm the country's already fragile
economy
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. Today's inflation caused food costs to skyrocket and if the government or food-producing companies would decide to raise them a bit more, even for health improvement reasons,
people
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 would not be happy and the already struggling
economy
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 and small businesses that are the core of
wealthy
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the wealthy
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 financial state, might not be able to take
this
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. Not only
this
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 might cause dissatisfaction among the public but a failing
economy
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 would raise the number of unemployed and financially unstable citizens.
Furthermore
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, speaking of financially unstable and lower-class workers, they tend to buy
products
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 that contain cane
sugar
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, because they are cheaper than
products
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 that incorporate healthier sweeteners. So by increasing the price of the cheaper product government would overburden struggling families.
This
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 might lead to
people
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 overworking and taking loans from banks, which will discommode lower classes and worsen inflation. To sum up, increasing the price of
products
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 with a high level of
sugar
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 is the wrong way of encouraging
people
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 to live healthier. The surge in food costs not only would have a negative impact on the
economy
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 and financial state of society but
also
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 would burden and anger
people
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 of the lower class.
Submitted by oimigle on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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