IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In their advertising, business nowadays usually emphasise that their productss are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#business #emphasise #productss #development
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It is true that businesses frequently promote their "new"
products
 in their advertising in recent years. There are a variety of reasons why
companies
 are likely to introduce their new
products
 in
this
 way, and I believe that
this
 is a negative development. Cooperations prefer to promote their
products
 in
this
 way for the following reasons.
Firstly
, new
products
 always get
consumers
' attention.
For example
, when there are two different versions of
products
,
consumers
 are willing to choose the new one. Customers are more likely to be attracted by new
products
 which they think it is the better
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
Secondly
, new
products
 are rather more competitive than old
products
. In order to expand or
main
Correct your spelling
maintain
show examples
 market share, promoting new
products
 is a great market strategy.
Thirdly
, introducing new
products
 can
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some extent
boosts
Correct subject-verb agreement
boost
show examples
companies
' sales. Advertising can help firms to introduce their
products
 in order to stimulate their revenue growth. I would think it is a negative development. In contemporary businesses, the rate of launching new
products
 is extremely fast.
As a result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, there are minor differences between new and old
products
.
Consumers
 would feel they are conceited, and
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
may result in damage
companies'
Change preposition
to companies'
show examples
 images. They may
also
 buy commodities which they do not need.
In addition
, new
products
Change the noun form
product
show examples
 advertising could increase peer pressure among individuals. Under peer pressure, people are forced to purchase expensive things. In conclusion,
companies
 use advertising to make their new
products
 sell better, and I think that new product advertising
encourage
Change the verb form
encourages
show examples
consumers
 to spend their money unreasonably.
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs for better coherence. For instance, make sure each point leads naturally to the next.
task achievement
While your response is generally complete, adding more specific examples would make your arguments stronger. For example, mentioning a specific product or company would help clarify your points.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. Occasionally, sentences are slightly unclear or wordy. For instance, the sentence 'Introducing new products can in some extent boosts companies' sales' could be revised to 'Introducing new products can boost company sales to some extent.'
task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the main idea of the essay and provides a solid foundation for discussing the question.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance, which helps in wrapping up the essay nicely.
coherence cohesion
You used a variety of sentence structures, which makes for more engaging reading.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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