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Band 6

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year.While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, ,many believe that other meausres will be needed. Discuss both sides.

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Introduction
The chronic crime rates continue to increase yearly. While many believe the
death
Use synonyms
 sentence is the most effective judgment to deter
criminals
Use synonyms
, others think that other punishments like long-
term
Use synonyms
term
Use synonyms
imprisonment
Use synonyms
 would rather be needed. In my opinion, I believe the combination of the
death
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 sentence and long-
term
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term
Use synonyms
imprisonment
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 will reduce serious
crimes
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.
Body paragraph 1
Owing to the increase in serious
crimes
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 in
society
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, some people proposed capital punishment as a deterrent. In order words, they believe sentencing
criminals
Use synonyms
 to
death
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 will save
society
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 from potential
crimes
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, and many upcoming
criminals
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 will desist from crime.
Also
Linking Words
, there will no opportunity to recommit
crimes
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.
For example
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, the Indonesian government awards the
death
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 penalty to drug peddlers due to the serious negative impacts
this
Linking Words
 type of crime can have on
society
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, some people believe other approaches like long sentences should rather be awarded to serious
crimes
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. With
this
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, they believe that
criminals
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 will have an opportunity to repent and contribute positively to
society
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 after their prison
term
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a criminal that killed many worshippers in a mosque in New Zealand was sentenced to long
imprisonment
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.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, the court's judgment, whether capital punishment or long-
term
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term
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imprisonment
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 should be awarded based on the level of
crimes
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a killer should be sentenced to
death
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 while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a thief should be given
imprisonment
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.
This
Linking Words
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will remove hysteria from
society
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 because
,
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apply
show examples
 citizens will understand when they are killed and imprisoned
Conclusion
In conclusion, court judgment on
criminals
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 should be given based on the level of
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents should be careful with their when growing up.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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