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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
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Nowadays, many governments and educators emphasise
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 a high-quality
education
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 to the next generation.
While
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 some believe that pupils should be educated in same
gender
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schools
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 in
order
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 to obtain
this
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 goal, others argue that it is beneficial for the children to attend mixed
schools
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.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my conclusion. On the one hand, it is evident that same-sex
education
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 caters for students’ needs
due to
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 the unique personality of each
gender
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.
For instance
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, boys usually are more energetic than girls,
therefore
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 the curriculum could be modified to enhance physical
education
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 for boys in
order
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 to fulfil their physiological needs.
In addition
Linking Words
, girls in their puberty are suitable to
study
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 in separate
schools
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 in
order
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 to reduce embarrassment. When girls are in their menstrual cycle, it is sometimes to be laughed at by their male classmates
as a consequence
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 of the absence of comprehensive sex
education
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.
As a result
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, studying in same-
gender
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schools
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 could
be
Verb problem
make it
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 easier to cope with these problems.
Conversely
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, it is advantageous for males and females to
study
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same campus in
order
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 to cultivate the skills of getting
along with
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 the opposite
gender
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. It is possible that students have opportunities to cooperate with the opposite
gender
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 by taking part in some meaningful activities
such
Linking Words
 as doing research, a group project and having regular communication in recess.
Consequently
Linking Words
, juveniles are taught how to make friends, and to respect their opposite genders properly. It is eventually beneficial for society to create a better environment without any
gender
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 discrimination in the future. All in all, whether students are educated in same or
opposite-gendergender
Correct your spelling
opposite-gender gender
schools
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, each teaching method has its merits. In my opinion, it is believed that steering a middle course between same-
gender
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schools
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 and mixed
schools
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, meaning that students should
study
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 in mixed
schools
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 but they have some time to
study
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 the same
gender
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 courses.
Submitted by kylewkh726 on

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task achievement
To increase the score in task achievement, aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Concrete examples from studies or real-life scenarios would strengthen your case for both views and your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure transitional phrases are used effectively between sections and ideas. Try to make these transitions more seamless and natural, leading the reader through your argument with greater ease.
coherence cohesion
While you’ve done well to include an introduction and conclusion, make them stronger by clearly stating your thesis in the introduction and reiterating key points in the conclusion. This refinement will make your argument more memorable and persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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