IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

“In today’s world, many people are forced to take on more than one job. What is the reason for this change, and what can be done to address this issue?”

Today, the world has become a place of dynamic changes, which is making
work
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 conditions more hectic and competitive. Single-job dependency is no longer an option because of unachievable basic requirements in
this
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 pricey and cutthroat living.The following paragraphs will shine
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light on the reason for
this
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 trend and
also
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 evaluate some solutions to mitigate
this
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 problem. The modern tech-savvy era has cultivated technologies like Artificial Intelligence, which is an axe to innumerable skilful jobs. Countless careers have been ended
up
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by
this
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 technology as it works quickly and costs less, so everyone is opting to take more than one occupation just to be safe.
Additionally
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, the recession is hitting hard and wages are declining as Artificial Intelligence is replacing the role of multiple workers and there is an abundance of labour. People are forced to take poorly paid
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,
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 but to meet their essential needs, they have to do multiple duties. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for
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 change.
This
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 issue requires a multi-faceted approach,
such
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 as awareness should be raised among the youngsters as they choose careers for the special programs that teach them how to
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 with artificial intelligence as it is the future of the world. Special courses should be established to foster the skills of running small-scale businesses, which will make everyone feel financially secure.
For example
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, there are multiple classes launched that show
the
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dropshipping businesses on online sites like Amazon. To recapitulate, neither the technological advancements can be stopped, nor the market instability can be controlled. These are the parts of rapid economies. But career awareness, willingness to learn new skills, and openness to opportunities like small-scale businesses can be key for survival in today’s draining
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 culture.

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task achievement
Your introduction is good, but it could be clearer. Try to directly state the reasons and solutions in one sentence.
coherence
Try to make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences support that idea.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your points. This will make your ideas stronger and more convincing.
coherence
Use linking words more often to connect your ideas better between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You address the task by identifying reasons and solutions, which is important for good task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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