IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?

#people #junk #food #lifestyle
I agree that eating
junk
food
 will lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. Nowadays,
this
 problem is more visible in young adults. It is observed that the amount and frequency of
junk
food
 intake really matter to our health. In
this
 busy
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
junk
foods
 become a part of our daily
diet
 as it is convenient in several ways. It reduces our cooking time,
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
show examples
 to carry and the most important thing is it is very tasty. It is seen that young adults are more addicted to the
junk
food
 culture.
As a result
 of
this
,
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 diseases are comparatively higher in the young generation.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific studies
junk
food
 intake is one of the reasons for
this
 lifestyle
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
. The main culprit behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adults is
junk
food
.
This
 obesity is the root cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 several other lifestyle diseases
such
 as
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
.
In addition
 to
this
 prolonged use of
junk
food
 creates chronic
gastro intestinal
Correct your spelling
gastrointestinal
show examples
 problems in some people. There are severe side effects
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
foods
.
However
, we can not completely avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
 from our
diet
. The better solution is to minimize eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
foods
. More importantly, keep our children away from
junk
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
foods
. So that we can avoid the
junk
food
 addiction in them in the future. It is advisable that we
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be aware of the nutritional values of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
 so that it will help to figure out the health concerns
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
.
It is clear that
junk
foods
 are not a healthy
diet
. But it is difficult to avoid completely from our daily
diet
. The best way is to use moderately and always keep a healthy
food
 habit.
Submitted by unnikrishnanpp153 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary habits
  • self-control
  • advertising
  • appealing
  • convenience culture
  • fast food
  • obesity rates
  • nutritional education
  • affordability
  • psychological effects
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: