Some people say the most important thing about being rich is helping other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, how to be a rich man
have
become Correct subject-verb agreement
has
a
issue in our society. Some Change the article
an
people
argued that the most significant factor about it is helping others. But I disagree with the idea and I don’t think there is
any single Change the verb form
are
things
about being rich.
In the Fix the agreement mistake
thing
Correct your spelling
process
precess
of being rich, helping other Correct your spelling
process
people
may be is
beneficial for Unnecessary verb
apply
people
to achieve their goals, but it is not the most important one. Firstly
, those people
who earned a lot of money all have a distinct aim, like creating a great company, manufacturing the best products, and so on. They are seldom distracted by other things which is
not relative Change the verb form
are
with
realising their dreams. Change preposition
to
Secondly
, as we can see, almost rich people
would devote Correct your spelling
themselves
themselve
to charities and start to help poor Correct your spelling
themselves
people
since they have been a
rich man. Correct article usage
apply
This
is primarily because they would not like to do those things which can’t improve their careers.
Being rich is a difficult but not impossible dream to
Change preposition
for
Correct your spelling
most
almost
Correct your spelling
most
people
, which is a result from
lots of factors. In my opinion, family is Change preposition
of
a
important consideration Change the article
an
about
Change preposition
of
it
. If a person was born Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
a rich family, he would receive better education and get so much experience Change preposition
into
of
business or Change preposition
in
academic
. Fix the agreement mistake
academics
As a result
, it is easier for him to be successful. Moreover
, individual
struggle is another factor Add an article
the individual
Correct pronoun usage
that need
need
to Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
be consider
. Many billionaires like Bill Gates, Jobs and Change the verb form
be considered
Mayun
, all met failures in their Correct your spelling
Mayan
career
. Jobs, as the founder of Apple company, had to leave his company and built Fix the agreement mistake
careers
other
one in the past. Change the wording
another
However
, they never give up when faced
Wrong verb form
facing
those
failures and keep going until being rich in the end.
In conclusion, helping other Change preposition
with those
people
maybe is a
important thing about being rich, but it is not the most one. From my perspective, being a rich man need a variety of elements, especially family Change the article
an
supports
and individual struggle.Fix the agreement mistake
support
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite