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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Children are experiencing increasing educational, social and commercial pressures. What are the causes? What measures do you think can be taken to reduce them?

#children #pressures #measures
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Children
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 today have many higher pressures from education, social and commercial. In my opinion, there are many reasons for
this
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 problem, and solutions should be given to combat these problems.
First
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 of all, the main
pressure
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 is the family's expectations. Parents place too many expectations on their
children
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, wanting their
children
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 to have a better life in the future, so they force their
children
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 to study a
lot
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 of subjects to improve their knowledge and quickly achieve many high achievements
for instance
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. In school,
children
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also
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 have to learn a
lot
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 of subjects that they don't like, which makes them feel tired and bored when they have to go to school.
Besides
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, society is
also
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 one of the reasons why
people
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 are under heavy
pressure
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 in work,
businesses
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 will prioritize recruiting
people
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 with good academic records at prestigious universities because they believe that graduates from those schools will bring more benefits to their company.
This
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 will put a
lot
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 of
pressure
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 on many
people
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.
However
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, there are some measures that can be taken to solve the problem. The government can tailor study programs more suitable for students to ease the academic burden on students. Parents should not put too much expectation on their
children
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 because that will
also
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 inadvertently create great
pressure
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 on the child, making them feel uninterested in anything. So give
children
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 the right to decide and respect what the child says and does.
Furthermore
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,
businesses
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 should create equal employment opportunities for everyone, so that everyone has the confidence to express themselves and help
businesses
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 thrive. In conclusion, the expectations of education, society and commercials are the main causes of
people
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 being under a
lot
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 of
pressure
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.
This
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 urges both governments and
businesses
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 to take immediate action to improve the situation.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pressures
  • Stress
  • Competition
  • Expectations
  • Peer influence
  • Technology
  • Media
  • Standardization
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Extracurriculars
  • Education reform
  • Financial support
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