IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #education #hunger #food #aid
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a belief that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 can solve
problem
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
starving
Replace the word
starvation
show examples
, while some humans consider that
education
Use synonyms
 should be more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
. Personally, I believe, educating people would help solve their financial imbalances to purchase daily needs.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both sides. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand,
food
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 is not efficient and productive for the environment. The process of
food
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 is tough. After all, these deals benefit only developed and prosperous
countries
Use synonyms
, as well as
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
some wealthy individuals. The states which suffer detrimental effects because of a lack of
food
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 are most
Linking Words
third world
Add a hyphen
third-world
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 of the lead issues is the transportation of
food
Use synonyms
, along with getting it in superb condition.
For example
Linking Words
, Africa suffers the most from hunger in our world, but despite that, no
one
Use synonyms
 is helping Africa since
food
Use synonyms
 support is extremely expensive.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 is the best solution for
countries
Use synonyms
 which endure
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hunger. A lot of developed states have excellent
education
Use synonyms
 programs along with enormously educated people.
As a result
Linking Words
, in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 do not exist problems with unemployment and
starving
Replace the word
starvation
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Germany
Add a comma
,Germany
show examples
 almost 94 per cent of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 has high
education
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Germany itself assists other
countries
Use synonyms
 that
plagued
Add a missing verb
are plagued
show examples
 by
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 shortages.
In addition
Linking Words
,
well-educated
Correct article usage
a well-educated
show examples
 country or society is the
one
Use synonyms
 most likely to offer a helping hand to other people since they are well knowledged about global issues In conclusion,
food
Use synonyms
aid
Use synonyms
 can be supportive in some situations, but knowledge has more pros than cons.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: