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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many working people get little or no exercise during the workday, have health problems as result. why do so many people not get enough exercise, what can do about this problem?

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Many working individuals have health-related issues because they get little or no
exercise
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 during their workday.
While
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people
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 are busy at
work
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, they do not get
time
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 for
exercise
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. To solve
this
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 problem,
people
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 should take breaks between their
work
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.
Time
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 is the main reason for workers not getting
exercise
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, as they
work
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 for at least 10 to 12 hours a day. When they come back home, they are physically and mentally exhausted, so they either want to relax or spend
time
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 with their family.
Moreover
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, after spending long hours at
work
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 they lack motivation to
exercise
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.
For example
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, a survey found that in some IT companies
such
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 as Accenture, at least 55% of employees
work
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 12 hours a day
as a result
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 they are left with little or no
time
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 to do physical activities. In my opinion, to solve
this
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 problem,
people
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 should take breaks in between their
work
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 and go for a walk or do some stretching.
This
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 daily routine will help them physically because it regulates blood pressure and heartbeat.
Additionally
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, when
people
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 go out in the fresh air, it relaxes the brain.
For instance
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, a survey found that employees who wear smartwatches and set a goal to walk at least 5K steps daily are able to follow it 99% which helps them to stay physically active during their
work
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. In conclusion, many employees are having health problems because they do not have
time
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 to
exercise
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that they should go for a 15 to
20 minute
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20-minute
show examples
 walk between their
work
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.
This
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 will help them stay physically fit.

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task achievement
Provide more detailed examples to enhance the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure equal balance in discussing both causes and solutions for coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction with a thesis statement addressing the problem and the solution.
coherence cohesion
The main points are organized logically, and each paragraph flows well to the next.
task achievement
You successfully identify both the cause of the problem and propose solutions, addressing different aspects of the issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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