Advertisments of snacks and toys have a great impact on children and their parents. So, the advertisement to children should be banned. Do you agree or disagree.

In
this
present world, the promotion of
snacks
and
toys
has a huge influence on families.
Therefore
,
this
action should not be allowed by the authority. I completely agree with
this
idea: because children might get unhealthy and fat by consuming junk food, and some kinds of
toys
could affect scion and their attitudes.
Firstly
, recent studies show that consuming unhealthy
snacks
might cause obesity in children.
For example
, one of the prospective studies that worked on an age group between 3 and 5 years old illustrates a high correlation between the amount of chocolate consumed and obesity rates.
Although
chocolate is categorized as healthy food,
this
result is very alarming. So,
this
will prove to us how
snacks
can be perilous even if they seem harmless.
Secondly
, the marketing strategies of big companies have enlarged their portfolio of barbaric
toys
day by day.
As a result
of that, the more
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
show examples
or sons have these
toys
, the more fights and injury rates are increasing on the playgrounds.
For instance
, there was only a single type of soldier and sword on toyshops’ shelves ten years ago, now there are plenty of them and
additionally
bombs, warriors, tanks, and guns. Sadly, kids start fighting as soon as they get them in the shops.
Consequently
, these kinds of issues may corrupt the offspring’s character and improvement. To summarize, the possibility of fatness and illness may rise by consuming grub, and dangerous types of
toys
also
may have a bad influence on kids. Because of
this
,
it is clear that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
or authorities have to restrict advertisements about
toys
and grub. It is predicted that
snacks
can be risky and children’s growth may be affected by
toys
simply.
Submitted by dctr_green_east on

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extended
Task Response: The essay addresses the given topic but does not provide a strong, focused argument. The response lacks depth and could benefit from providing a more detailed analysis of the impact of snack and toy advertisements on children and parents.
extended
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas and supporting examples could be more cohesive, with stronger connections between the main points and the overall argument.
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