IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #world #lifestyle
People
 have divergent views towards whether nowadays
it’s
 very difficult for
people
 to have a healthy lifestyle or
it’s
 easy for
people
 to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Some
people
 who hold the same opinions as me firmly believe that
it’s
 very difficult for
people
 to have a healthy lifestyle in the modern world since with the development of
techniques
,
people
 will form many bad
Correct your spelling
habits
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
 through the use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
usd
Correct your spelling
USD
 by phones.
In other words
, nowadays
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 can provide
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of ways for
people
 to do something bad for their health. To be more specific,
people
 could easily get used to
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 food like barbecues at around 3 am if
it’s
 convenient for them to order food and wait for delivery since nowadays
techniques
supported
Add a missing verb
are supported
show examples
;
people
 would refuse to
exercise
 if they tend to some recreational activities on phone like watching movies, chat with friends in their free time since nowadays
techniques
 supported;
people
 would stay up late
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 if they always watch some short videos or something else on phone before sleeping which would stimulate their interests to watch more and more since nowadays
techniques
 supported.
However
, some other
people
 deeply believe that
it’s
easily
Replace the word
easier
show examples
 for
people
 to keep in good health condition if they want in
this
 modern generation since we can get assistance a lot nowadays.
That is
 to say, more objects appeared which could help us to be healthy. To be more specific,
people
 could change their daily food to
heathier
Correct your spelling
healthier
show examples
 types rapidly since they can find nutrition allow masters online if
people
 are willing to change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 bad eating habits;
people
 could change their sleeping time efficiently since there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a large amount of
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
 which manage
people
’s sleeping time could
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 found in
app
Add an article
the app
show examples
 store if
people
 tend to get better sleeping qualification;
people
 could
exercise
 more convenient since they can just
exercise
 in
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
 watching some teaching videos online if they want to
exercise
 more.
For example
, one of my mother’s besties, who just celebrated her 45th birthday
last
 week, lose weight approximately 10 kg
just
Change preposition
in just
show examples
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
three months. And when I asked about how she did
such
 a big successful project, she just responded with
smile
Add an article
a smile
show examples
: “oh actually I just joined a
wechat
Correct your spelling
WeChat
 group
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are three masters in
this
 group and they suggested what we eat and
superwised
Correct your spelling
supervised
supervise
 us
exercise
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, and I just paid thirty yuan and
it’s
 easy to keep.” To sum up, due to the fact that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
variety
Replace the word
various
show examples
functions
Change preposition
of functions
show examples
 could be used online,
it’s
 a big challenge for
people
 today to have a healthy lifestyle.
However
, since
people
 could get help from
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
,
it’s
 easy for them to be healthy and fit if they want.
Submitted by melindaguan0704 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: