Some people say schools should be responsible to teach young adults to look after their health, others think this is not responsibility of schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Staying healthy is essential for everyone in the world.
While
Linking Words
some individuals believe that it is the responsibility of schools to educate people on how to maintain their health, others argue that individuals should learn that by themself. I firmly support the latter argument and will explain my reasons in
this
Linking Words
essay.
To begin
Linking Words
with, it is true that schools are essential for children to learn how to survive in
this
Linking Words
world, and they tend to remember all topics they learned during school time.
Thus
Linking Words
, if educational institutions educate about healthy habits, students might remember them for life.
However
Linking Words
, there is already a plethora of subjects for children to study in schools, and they may feel frustrated at the idea of adding more subjects.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they may lose interest in their studies, leading to poor grades.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasing the number of courses in their curriculum is not a feasible idea.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many techniques to learn about healthy lifestyles in the modern world. With the rise of technology, it is possible to find an online course on any topic, including health.
For example
Linking Words
, social media sites like YouTube and TikTok have multiple channels that publish videos regarding nutritious diet and exercise plans to stay fit.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if some people are interested in offline classes, they can always visit any nearby gym and get some personal guidance. Trainers in these fitness clubs have the professional experience to guide us about a fit and active lifestyle. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
there are some benefits to teaching about health, I wholeheartedly believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to learn about how to stay in shape. There are numerous ways to accomplish
this
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
as finding an online course or attending in-person classes at fitness clubs.
Submitted by turanavdeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a counterargument or addressing the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly. This will show the complexity of your argument and make your essay more balanced.
task achievement
Illustrate your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and grounded.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect ideas more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance the flow of the essay. Use transition words and phrases to maintain cohesion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear and understandable introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well by discussing both sides of the argument and expressing a clear personal stance.
coherence cohesion
You have utilized some good linking words and phrases which enhance the cohesion of your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutritional education
  • Childhood obesity
  • Diet-related illnesses
  • Physical fitness
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Mental health education
  • Destigmatize
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Information overload
  • Holistic approach
  • Well-rounded individuals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: