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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that a healthy lifestyle for children is summarized in doing
sports
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that exercise is important for both boys and girls in
school
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, there is
also
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 an argument that
sports
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 must be an optional class during education age.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion which
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to the worth of
sports
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 in
school
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. On the one hand, sport fosters the whole body's health.
In other words
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, it improves mental skills and increases attention in classes.
In addition
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, physical exercise either in the morning or in mid-day can reduce the distraction of an adolescent and increase morale sense in minors people.
For example
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, people who sleep a few hours , come to
school
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 sleepy without any concentration in periods, but after they do any type of footwork they feel more concentrated.
On the other hand
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, people having special cases
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 the optionality in the physical exercise classes. Since there are marks and final degrees in the student report , the PE degree may drop the final percentage for individuals.
Moreover
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, sick students who have sick leave for any reason related to health should have rest from
this
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 class.
For instance
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, my friend had ear and nose surgery, his doctor advised him to sit inside the class at room temperature and avoid any kind of
sports
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 for at least six months. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that all students should have
sports
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 in
school
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 at least twice a week , with good collaboration from
school
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 members in special cases or sick leave days.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced discussion by exploring both sides in greater detail. Make sure to clearly present counterarguments before stating your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow of your paragraphs by using better linking phrases and transitions for smoother reading.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are fully explained to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
The points made regarding the benefits of sports in enhancing concentration are insightful and relevant.
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