IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

indeed, individuals are attracted towards celebs' lifestyle and outlook rather than their success
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
paving
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having
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on younglings. I solely agree
to
Change preposition
with
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this
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 statement which I have depicted in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, celebrities are keen
in
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on
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 making money
hence
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 they try to indulge in as many advertisements as possible. Because they might
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lose
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loose
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lose
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 their stardom after a certain age
hence
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 those people even do promotions related to pan masalas and tobacco.
However
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,
this
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 is adversely affecting the youth who is closely watching the star.
For example
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, Sharukh Khan is obsessed with smoking so he
use
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uses
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 it regularly in his movies on the behalf of
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this
Correct determiner usage
a
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 lot of young stars who are following him started using
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 their life. Following celebrities can pave
way
Add an article
the way
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 towards bad habits in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters during their early teenage
On the other hand
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, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers take celebrities as role models, which affects their
self confidence
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self-confidence
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.
Because of the
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The
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 way they dress and how they look makes them insecure
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in front
infornt
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in front
 of others,
as a result
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 of
this
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 even though they have a great smile they tend to not show
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 the public. For an instance, a lady in New York
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appeared
appered
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appeared
 in front of plastic surgery to become like Jenifer Lopez, she went through 36
of
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apply
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surgeries which resulted in her death. Stars can cause
cause
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apply
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inferiority complex
amoun
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among
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children
childrens
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children
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. To conclude,
Correct article usage
the life
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Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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 or the personalities of stars may disturb or affect the younglings when in their youth I
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believe
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belive
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believe
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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