IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth rather than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
indeed, individuals are attracted towards celebs' lifestyle and outlook rather than their success
this
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which
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 is
paving
Correct your spelling
having
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negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on younglings. I solely agree
to
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with
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this
 statement which I have depicted in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, celebrities are keen
in
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on
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 making money
hence
 they try to indulge in as many advertisements as possible. Because they might
Replace the word
lose
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loose
Correct your spelling
lose
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 their stardom after a certain age
hence
 those people even do promotions related to pan masalas and tobacco.
However
,
this
 is adversely affecting the youth who is closely watching the star.
For example
, Sharukh Khan is obsessed with smoking so he
use
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uses
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 it regularly in his movies on the behalf of
this
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a
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 lot of young stars who are following him started using
in
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it in
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 their life. Following celebrities can pave
way
Add an article
the way
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 towards bad habits in
the
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apply
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youngsters during their early teenage
On the other hand
, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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teenagers take celebrities as role models, which affects their
self confidence
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self-confidence
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.
Because of the
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The
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 way they dress and how they look makes them insecure
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in front
infornt
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in front
 of others,
as a result
 of
this
 even though they have a great smile they tend to not show
in
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it in
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 the public. For an instance, a lady in New York
Correct your spelling
appeared
appered
Correct your spelling
appeared
 in front of plastic surgery to become like Jenifer Lopez, she went through 36
of
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apply
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surgeries which resulted in her death. Stars can cause
cause
Remove the redundancy
apply
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inferiority complex
amoun
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among
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children
childrens
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children
show examples
. To conclude,
Correct article usage
the life
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Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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 or the personalities of stars may disturb or affect the younglings when in their youth I
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
.
Submitted by connectakhilkg on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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