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Band 7

Some shops are open 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Do you think it is a good thing for the customers, shop staff and society as a whole?

#shops #hours #week #customers #shop #staff #society
There are many
shops
 open 24 hours a day and every day of the week. In my opinion, I believe that it could be beneficial to the customers, staff members and
society
 as a whole because it is improving their standards of life and productivity.
To begin
 with, the 24-hour opening of the
shops
 is advantageous to the customers because they can go shopping without having
time
 restrictions.
In other words
, individuals can visit the
shops
 at their convenience
time
 and whenever they get free
time
 out of their own schedule.
For example
, parents are busy looking after their babies for the entire day, sometimes they get
time
 to go out shopping at night. If
shops
 are open at that
time
, they can buy anything they want at the same
time
.
Moreover
, workers
also
 benefit from
this
 phenomenon as they can improve their quality of life. Employees get more hours to work at the shop, which leads to improving their salary.
Consequently
, they can improve their lifestyle after buying luxurious items, which gives them happiness to live their lives happily.
Furthermore
,
society
 could boost the economy when
shops
 have more profit margins from opening hours.
For instance
,
shops
 get enough funds to buy their products and materials from other countries to improve their income if they are open all the
time
.
As a result
,
society
 is benefiting from foreign materials to improve their economy by getting other countries’ currency. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that 24-hour opening
shops
 are giving benefits to the customers, staff members and
society
 as a whole as it improves their income.
Submitted by parmarheena277254 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the points made, especially regarding how the benefits to customers, staff, and society interact with each other.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your points. This will strengthen the relevance and persuasive power of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Although your essay is well-structured, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas. Vary your language and sentence structure to maintain reader interest.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt well by discussing the impacts on customers, staff, and society. This shows a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and help frame the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your writing is clear and easy to understand. Ideas are presented in an organized manner overall.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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